Getting older, looking forward.

I turned 25 this week. It’s funny — I remember when that seemed so old.

I’m exactly where I want to be right now. But I spent the week traveling, and as happy as I thought I was here, I’m starting to see that I will eventually need to leave.

I love DC. It’s a fun, family-friendly, pedestrian-friendly city where I’ve been able to find great jobs and advance in my career. I love my apartment, I love my neighborhood, I love my job and my friends and the connections I’ve made here. I love how easy it is to get around — a quick metro ride to the airport or a quick bus/train ride to New York, Boston, Philly, Maryland, Virginia, wherever I want to go on the east coast. I’ll have to visit the Carolinas while I’m living here, too.

I landed last night after a week-long adventure, and I thought I was so happy to be home. I was.

Then, I woke up. And it was cold outside. And I’ve been feeling distant from my friends.

I went to brunch today, and I overheard a conversation between two men that I didn’t want to hear. But it perfectly encapsulates the things I want to run away from.

These guys were educated, well-dressed, articulate. And yet they were total fucking chauvinist bros.

Bro #1 goes to Bro #2: “I offered to buy this girl a drink, and she goes, ‘Oh, I have a boyfriend,’ – I was like ‘And I have a goldfish. Why are we talking about shit that doesn’t matter and is not here?'” Bro #2 laughed at how absurd girl at bar was for rejecting a free drink. Bro #2 says, “You’re doing something for her,” as though stupid girl at bar should’ve just accepted the drink from Bro #1. The conversation went on that way — banging girls, etc. You’re so cool, bros. So very cool.

Maybe it’s just today, but I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to live in a place where people are friendly, where education is important but people are humble. I want to live in a place that’s diverse and easy to get around without a car. Ideally, this place is also warm, but that’s not as important anymore. Though I’m generally happier when it’s sunny and beautiful outside.

I want to buy a house soon, but it’s hard when I don’t know where I want to be.

I spent some time in LA, Austin, and Florida this week. It was amazing. It was perfect. It made me a little sad that I left so many wonderful friends behind. It’s strange how badly I wanted to leave, how I didn’t give it a second thought, how I left and barely said goodbye. I was so tired, but I was tired because I pushed myself to that point. I volunteered all the time, trying so hard to save the world. I loved how much my friends relied on me. I wanted to be everyone’s caretaker, everyone’s life counselor, everyone’s mother.

I bent over backwards for everyone, and I resented them for it.

When I was living in New York, I relied on my friends and the men in my life to feed me, house me, clothe me, and be there for me in every way. I was a taker; I had nothing to give. Once I had a stable life and a home, I wanted to help everyone else. But I give more than I have. Then I get worn out.

Or maybe it’s just cold outside, and I hate that.

We got very comfortable on the plane.
Max has gone swinging in three states, and he’s not even a year old.
He’s smiling, but the sun was in his eyes. Because it was incredibly sunny and beautiful in LA.
LA swingin’
Beverly Hills pumpkin patchin’
This was the cheesiest thing I could’ve possibly done for my 25th birthday, but it was free, the food wasn’t bad, and Max was amazed.
Out late in Austin, waiting for the bats to come out.
Santa Monica Pier — these photos are in no particular order.
I also enjoyed free breakfast at my favorite restaurant, IHOP. (Red Lobster got demoted for the day because it would only offer me a free dessert.)
We fit right in.
Cowgirllll selfie #NotATourist

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