canada was fun. it feels almost unreal that we were only there for a couple of days! just a quick stop, presentation, radio interview, gala, meeting, and home.
we’re heading back to canada in april to bring our program there.
i had conversations with friends this weekend, and went out with them last night. it was so needed. i have a problem with letting my life fall apart because i obsess over work, and it becomes the only thing that’s important to me and the only thing that’s real. i let my friendships fall apart, and i didn’t realize that it was because i didn’t trust my friends. not because they aren’t trustworthy or because they did something wrong, but because i don’t trust anyone.
it’s something that richard has pointed out to me before, but i guess i didn’t see it playing out in my friendships with women, until it did. i thought one of my closest friendships was falling apart, and instead of trying to salvage it, i explained it away, “we were drifting apart,” “well, i’m busy anyway,” and i hid the hurt. when i actually talked to her, she was surprised that my mind went there, as though we weren’t as close as we are.
i’ve always known that this is something i do in romantic relationships, but i didn’t recognize that i put up a wall with my friends, too.
it’s something that will take me time, and energy, and effort, and vulnerability to tear down. but i want to.
i read this today, and it resonated so much with me that i want it tattooed all over my body:
i still can’t settle down. i still make weekly plans to leave dc and start a new life. i’m a gypsy and a wanderess.